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Life with no girlfriend

*They* tell you you should not worry about having a girlfriend. You should just have fun with your friends, get out and eventually you’ll meet one. Well, don’t believe it.

First of all you’ve got to have some friends to do that. Second of all those friends have to have other single friends for you to meet. That’s not my friends and never has been at any time in my life.

It’s been 3 years since I’ve had a real girlfriend. Before that one it was also 3 years and before that 5 years. That’s what I get for *not* worrying about it.

The other advice I’ve heard is to *DO* something that gets you near other people that have like interests. The typical examples being things like church, sports, clubs (bowling, chess, tennis, dancing etc.) Where’s the video games club or the internet club or the computer club? Sorry but although it might be fun to bowl, if that’s the only thing we have in common it’s not gonna work. And worse, every time I’ve tried one of those things there’s nobody I’m interested in or that’s even close to a match.

Actually I suppose I do believe it. I just don’t know how to *get out*. What am I supposed to do? Where do I go here in Tokyo to make new friends? I really haven’t a clue. Do I just go to some bar and try to pick somebody up? It doesn’t seem like the place to make friends.

And I’m picky. It’s not that there are not a zillion women I don’t find attractive. That was a double negative. In other words, I find tons of women attractive. In fact I’m much much less picky in the physical department then basically all of my friends. It’s just that I always see something down the road that says *BAD IDEA*!

Some examples: There are 5 or 6 girls in my school I’m interested in. One I actually saw quite a bit of for awhile. The more I learned about her though the less I was interested. She’s looking for a rich sugar daddy so she can stay a kid the rest of her life like her mother did. Those are her words, not mine.

The rest, besides being 24 and under (11 or more years younger than me), 3 of them have made it clear their parents will not except anything but same race boyfriends. This just came up by chance in some classroom discussion. I didn’t find out by hitting on them.

Anthony Robbins says that you’ll do more to avoid pain than to get pleasure and that everything you do is at it’s most basic level driven by those two forces. If that’s so and being alone is so painful then what’s the more painful thing I’m avoiding that’s preventing me from finding someone.

I could analyze it again as being picky. Clearly if I was less picky I could have a girlfriend immediately. My rationalization is that *any* girl is not cool. It’s got to be the *right* girl. By *right* I mean somebody that’s actually a match. That’s my friend. That we want to talk to each other.

Most of the girls I meet are like my x-wife. Wonderful people but we’d have almost nothing to talk about. Their lives are about gossip, fashion and what Kimura Takuya is doing. (the biggest male idol in Japan, maybe all of Asia) I don’t understand the female way adoring idols.

Most guys might want to *sleep* with some girl idol though more likely it’s just a fantasy and they don’t really care but for girls it seems far far more serious. They miss school to see their idol. They salivate infront of the TV and clasp their hearts. They gossip with each other about what their favorite is doing. Is this inherent in females or is it something taught by our cultures???

The longer it gets the more I feel like I should just *settle*. What’s an example of settling? How about picking somebody that smokes? How about picking somebody that will rarely talk to me or find anything I’m interested in interesting (and visa versa). How about a girl that’s picky in otherways. For example I met a girl recently that can’t stand junk food, can’t stand smoke, can’t stand anything other than *art* movies, and clearly has no respect for nearly anything I’m interested in. Some people would probably just shout, “Go For It!”.

I’m picky about girls. I’m not picky about food, or what I’m doing – I’ll do pretty much anything as long as somebody else makes the arrangements. I don’t mind if somebody else smokes because if I did then I basically couldn’t go out. At least not here in Japan. I’m a little picky about TV and movies. I don’t generally like TV dramas. The more meodramatic the worse. I don’t like watching most sports. Maybe gymnastics and figure skating. And I don’t like almost any movie that glorfies infidelity. That’s not to say I think people should stay together if they are not happy with each other but they should end the relationship instead of lying to and deceiving their partner.

Today I meet a really nice girl who cut my hair. Should I have asked her out? She said she moved to Tokyo 8 years ago on her own. I’m guessing that would make her at least 25. I have no idea if she was interested. She was friendly but of course that’s her job. Kind of like asking out a waitress. I suppose you could get lucky but more likely she’s just doing her job and that smile was the same smile she gives everybody. And then there’s the whole compatibility issue. What are the odds?

I met another girl yesterday. I think she was 24. Very attractive. No idea if she was a match or not though it was easy to talk to her for the few hours I saw her. Biggest problem other than age. She smokes.

It worries me that I’m finding like 7 out of 10 women attractive. Even 2 of my teachers. One is over 50 though she looks better than some people I know that are under 40. She was in a dream I had last night. It was a nonsense dream. She was standing on a grass hill and the dream camera flew around the hill and she was standing next to a very large glass and neon sign for a website that apparently was her’s with a name like mindanme.com. Strange. What’s that supposed to mean. Of course I don’t believe that dreams have meanings.

The whole age thing might work for some people but it’s hard to imaging not feeling like the father or the kid depending on if you’re significantly younger or older.

The other one I think is around my age but also smokes.

Well I’m rambling again. Like I said before, all day long I want to right stuff but then when I finally get infront of the computer I can’t remember any of it.