Haha, how's that for a click bait title?
Even though I suspect my blog is full of complaints and I don't want to be a whiner the only time I feel like posting is either when something extremely awesome happens or something on the opposite end of the spectrum.
This is probably the 10th time I've posted about this and there's a lot of "cry me a river you lucky bastard" but ...
I'm so effing unglued from the "normal" part of life. Maybe I just have an attitude problem. I don't know. The issue is I'm homeless. I have money to survive but I don't have a place to fall back too. This means every couple of weeks or so I need to decide where to exist next.
When I first started this I thought I'd love it. Travel the world and all. But, maybe because I'm introverted, it's been super lonely. One of the reasons I left Google is because I didn't make any really close buddies hang out buddies there like I have at every previous company. And that's even though it was the longest I've stayed at one company. It was one of a couple of things I was missing.
So I quit, got rid of my apartment and have been traveling and homeless for 2 years. I did spend 7 months in Los Angeles but every month was a different AirBnB. I also spent 10 months in Japan but that was also switching hotels many times.
Anyway, I've been in Europe since July, Berlin−>Brussels−>London−>Paris−>Barcelona and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being alone. And yet I don't know how to fix it. I'm homeless in 4 days with no plans at the moment.
To stop this I need to pick a place. Then I need to make friends or get a job or find a girlfriend or all 3.
So, then I try to pick a place. This is what goes through my head
"I know, how about New York. I've got 2 friends there". Then I think. "Yes but it's super expensive and even though I have friends there they have work so at best I'll see them once or twice a week. The rest of the time I'll be alone sitting in a cafe if I can find one or sitting at home if it turns out there's no good cafes to hack from or if they are always full".
so I think "How about SF?" to which pretty much the same things come up. I know one or two cafes I could hang out at but I'll be no less lonely than I am now. SF is also more expensive than New York.
so I think "How about LA? At least I have family there". But it's even worse in LA. There are few cafes to work from. The ones that are there are full and they are spread all over. You've got to drive everywhere. There's no good places to live in LA either. Each place has some issue. Live on the West side? Friends and family are on the east 1−3 hrs away. Live on the East side? It's suburbia, nothing to do, no where to hang, no places to walk.
so I think "How about Tokyo"? It's a little better. There's 4 monthly game dev meetups (Picotachi, Tokyo Indies, Game Dev Drinkup, and Insert Coin) and one weekly meetup (Otaru) so that's one plus. But it's still 95% of my time alone. There's a few places to work from but they aren't always reliable (full and/or bad WiFi, go figure)
so I think "How about Kyoto"? It's small. There's less places to work from than Tokyo. There's 2 events a month. It's got friends all with jobs. Again I'll be alone 99% of the time.
"How about Berlin"? It's about the same as Kyoto. Less friends but still some.
That's pretty much the same for all places though some there's no friends.
Then I'm like, okay well if I can't decide maybe I should just go somewhere else for a little longer. Like I could say in Barcelona another week or 2. So far I'm not a super fan of Barcelona. It's a great place to visit but I don't feel like I want to live here. One reason I came where is there were chances to meet up with 3 different friends. I met up with one but then came down with a cold and was stuck in bed for a week so missed 2 other days to hang out. By the time I was better one of the other friends I hadn't gotten a change to meet up with was no longer in Barcelona. The 3rd friend changed his plans and didn't come here.
I thought about going to Turkey. Got the visa. It would just be procrastinating but whatever, at least there's cool stuff to see. But then I just remember how lonely it's been seeing sites in other places alone and I think, am I really going to enjoy walking through yet another market alone? Am I really going to enjoy seeing another historical building alone?
I need a project and a team to work with. One way or another. I have no ideas what that would be. I don't even know what I personally want to do anymore. One reason I left Google was I thought I wanted to go back to games. But, do I? I'm not playing nearly as much as I used to. Even before I started this lifestyle I wasn't playing so much. Sure I'd probably love to work on a game I thought was going to be a trend setter. But, seeing so many indie games tank and yet another dual stick shooter or smash bros clone do well kind of makes games less appealing.
Another thing that's probably contributing is I've got nothing to do right now. For the last year and a half I was working on happyfuntimes. But, about a month ago I saw all the competition. I never had any plans to make any real money from happyfuntimes but the fact that it seemed semi unique made it appealing. Now though there's at least 6 companies doing the same thing. Each has their own unique element that means they aren't all exactly happyfuntimes but at the same time it makes the whole idea much less interesting to spend more time on. It also didn't lead anywhere. Sitting alone in cafes for the 18 months working on it wasn't getting me any closer to solving the issues above.
I suppose I could go pay people to work with me to make some happyfuntimes stuff but for what purpose? Just for fun? I don't have enough $$$ to retire. While I'm okay at the moment I need income again so whatever I do has to have some way to bring in money.
Anyway, this is kind of stupidness that goes through my head over and over and has prevented me from choosing a place with only 4 days until I'm homeless.
I mentioned before someone said "just pick a place and try it for a year". Ok, which place? Any place not the USA requires visas. Does that rule out non−USA places? And, I'm still not clear which place will solve the loneliness problem. Actually that's one reason I originally left Japan. While I had a ton of friends I didn't have a GF or buddies. So while I might see friends on average twice a week that was still a very lonely lifestyle.