I just got back from over 3 weeks in Los Angeles saying with my Tutu. That's grandmother in Hawaiian if you didn't know.

I can't say I'm happy to be back. I still can't figure out what I want to do but I can say that my first day back has been disappointing. I spent the last 3 weeks almost in constant contact with people. Visiting friends and family. It was very nice. Then I get back and it's back to isolation. I got out to get my haircut today but other than that I was not able to hook up with anybody. (on top if which my extremely cute hair dresser told me she got married while I was gone 😞)

I'm not sure that would change if I went back to the states. Like I've said before, there's no special job calling me back and although I'd love to spend time with my friends I expect most of them will not have as much time for me as I'd like plus I don't know where I'd find a job, it could be S.F. or Texas or N.Y etc. On the other hand, thinking about staying here and the prospects seem worse. If I get a job I'd have friends from the job but it's unlikely I'd make any hang out buddies. For one we'd all be working until 10pm. So, by that measure, maybe it would be better to go back where usually people have time to have a life after work.

I'm still not ready to decide that though in that I'm still not ready to give up on Japanese. Maybe I need to put my mind into figuring out how to make Japan fun. It was fun when my friend Scott was here because he was my hang out buddy and also he had lots of other friends so he kept me pretty busy. I haven't the slightest idea how to go about reproducing something like that.

In other news how do you define yourself? I hate more than anything to be told I'm one way or another. If somebody says "your serious" I'll point out all the ways I'm not as serious as others. If somebody says "your childish" I'll point out all the ways I take responsibility for things. So, for example in trying to tell someone about what I'm like for the purposed of answering / writing to a prospective date what do I put? And also, how much is changable and how much is me?

For example I recently met a woman that says she's into clothes. It's funny because generally I consider that a scary trait as in shallow but in this case, maybe because I like her, I considered it more like a hobby. And, I found myself thinking of ways to consider myself into clothes. Of course I don't really spend much time on clothes but that hasn't always been the case. Before I got married when I was working at Virgin Games I was quite into it for a while and it was actually my x−wife, long before we started dating that encouraged me and my friend Dan. Always complemeting us, sometimes going clothes shopping with us, giving us advice. I quite enjoyed it but after we got married I slowly stopped paying attention to clothes as much. I love wearing anything that makes me look good as long as it's not uncomfortable. I remember around that time going to CES in Vegas, dressing to the nines and getting all the looks struting my stuff. That was a big confidence booster. The only thing though is that I'm not into spending money on clothes. At the time, most everything I got was at cheaper places. Places like Oaktree were you could get a complete dance club suit for under $99. Sure I'd like a nice Armani suit but until I'm rich, somebody else is going to have to put up the $1000+ for one. Maybe it's time to get into it again.

Another issue is dancing. I'm generally not comfortable dancing except maybe at a rave but with the right woman anything is possible. Kind of like my friend Evan who used to be a very picky eater until the woman of his dreams changed all that.

So, that brings up the question. If I put I'm into X and not into Y is that really true? Of course I don't think I'd ever give up whatever X is most likely but that doesn't mean I couldn't get into whatever Y is within limits. I don't think I could get into country music for anybody. 😛