Life Goals 2018


I guess it's that time for me to rant about the same things I've ranted about before. Namely that I'm lost in life and don't know what to do.

I want to be happy. Not even sure what that means. I also want money, not for the purpose of being rich but for the purpose of freedom. I haven't worked in 5 years now. I quit my job in June 2013 and it's now June 2018. I had no intention of having no job this long. I thought I'd get some inspiration within 6 months of quiting and be off doing something amazing.

Instead I'm alone and isolated with no direction. I have no idea what I want to do anymore and I maybe have slightly conflicting goals. I feel somewhat spoiled rotten having worked at Google for 5 years. I'm sure I said this previously but working at Google allowed me to attend conferences, give talks, take off 5 weeks a year, work from remote offices all over the world, work at home when I want, and get paid crazy money. The crazy money let me have these 5 years off and travel etc and of course when people find out they are jealous or envious.

And, hearing that just makes me feel sooo stupid. From my POV I've nearly completely wasted the last 5 years. I have almost nothing to show for it. It's partly because it wasn't the plan. If I had said to myself "I'm going to take off 5 years and do X, Y, and Z" where X, Y, and Z where concrete things (travel to X, learn Y, etc) I probably would have done X, Y, and Z but instead my plan has always been, "figure out someting to do and do it ASAP". and that frame has some how encouraged me to do nothing.

In a "I'm hope I'm not really that lame" defensive mode, of course there were tiny personal projects. happyfuntimes sucked up about 14 months here and there. vertexshaderart sucked up maybe a 6 weeks on and off. mopho-v probably ate 2 months. But most of those seem like a distraction. I guess HFT was not but the others seem like procrastination from actually making a decision.

There have also been a list of things I've avoided doing because when I think about them they also seem like distractions. For example I have a list of 30 or so WebGL articles I thought about writing but whenever I get the itch to start I remind myself that I'm just putting off more important stuff. Heck, writing this blog post is probably another form of procastination.

The freedom that money brings (or brought) is one reason why it's hard to go back to anything that pays significantly less. Espeically given that I'll be 53 soon I have supposedly 12 years to save for retirement and I'm not ready at all. So I can try to go back to one of the big high paying Silicon Valley companies and save for retirement or I can choose something else and not be sure I'll have enough to retire.

People often say "choose happiness over money" and I mostly agree with the sentiment but on closer inspection it's not that simple. What are we really choosing between? I can't say working on games makes me as happy as it used to, at least at the moment so choosing to get paid X/6 instead of X for a job that doesn't make me any more happy doesn't seem like I'm really choosing happiness.

Sometimes it crosses my mind to work at some small indie company as it sounds fun to be in a small tight knit group but most of the time that really means getting paid 5-20% of what I can make in SV and working to make my boss rich, effectively giving him my life in exchange for a small salary. That hardly seems like a fair trade or happiness.

If there was some indie group to join where we shared the profits that might be more appealing but then we're into the current reality which is that there are too many games and it's super hard to make a hit the odds are so low that our game will make it's money back.

I've mentioned this before but I'm also not sure how much I like games anymore. I absolutely loved Zelda: Breath of the Wild. I probably spent 120hrs playing. I also loved the new God of War for PS4 and spent 20-25hrs but both of those are giant team games and being one of the 400 people that made them is not appealing.

Lately the biggest issue I think is the isolation. I'm alone most days. 4-6 days a week I see no one, well, no friends. I might go to the cafe or coffee shop but I don't talk to anyone. So that's the #1 thing that needs to be fixed but I have no idea how to fix it. Do I get an office and hire people with the major goal of just being in a office with those people? Where do I find them? Should I join an indie studio solely to have comrades even if it means I won't make enough money to retire?

Where do I meet these people and how to I work to turn them from people I don't know with people I'm working with at some office where we can share the comradre that makes working fun? I do try to go to 1 to 2 meetups a week but so far I haven't hit it off with anyone to make any new hangout buddies.

I saw an amazing talk recently

It's by Laralyn McWilliams who is a game designer that also faught and is fighting cancer and her search to keep going. Of course I don't have cancer (knock on wood) but there was still lots of good adivce.

I think the one that stuck out the most is that "creativity is a habit". She pointed out that going into work everyday and creating stuff is a habit and that when you get out of that habit it's hard to be creative. She mentioned that during her cancer treatment you can go for months without eating directly and that the doctors told her she needed to swallow some water or anything every day because if she didn't her body could forget how to swallow!!! It sounds incredible but apparently it's a real thing. She pointed out if you can forget how to swallow because it's a habit you can forget how to do pretty much anything. In her case that was how to be creative from not doing it for 8-9 months.

Another point she made was that "it's not you". The habit thing points out that being in the habit of being creative keeps you creative. It's not that you are no longer creative it's that you stopped the habit. You stopped being at the office with others spending a few hours a day bouncing ideas off each other and actually creating.

Well yea, that certainly fits me. Not only have I not been at the office for 5 years. I haven't been in a really creative habit like position for 10 years. Since I started at Google. That's probably not fair as much of the programming work I did (and everyone does) is in and of itself semi creative. You're creating new code that didn't exist before. But, the act of making something "art" creative, like a game, and bouncing game design ideas around is something that I've gotten further and further away from over the years.

Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this. Like many of my blog posts in the last few years I'm probably writing this more for myself than anyone that's reading this.

Still, I have no clue. I've also mentioned how hard it is to decide. If someone said "here's $40 million, take as long as you want and make your dream game" I might do it. Since that is unlikely to happen though then at almost 53 I feel like I basically get to pick one more thing. Pick well and I might live happily ever after. Pick poorly and I'll be struggling for years to come with no way to recover. This comes up especially talking to younger people who still have time to recover from their mistakes. They aren't at an age in their life where they can see the doors closing. Maybe that's a bad attitude but I'm not sure how to avoid what feels like my reality.

I've thought about talking to a counsellor or therapist or life coach but it turns out those don't really exist in Japan. It tried some online one about a year ago but it was horrible. I wrote a a few paragraphs and effectively got back a short one sentence generic reply. Wrote some more and again got a once sentence generic reply. Maybe it was just the bad roll of the dice and I should try again but it was seriously bad.

Another issue that keeps coming up is why am I in Japan. Of course I love parts of it but I hate other parts. With Japan's popuation supposed to tank (down 30% in the next 40 years) Japan could be the next Detroit. I don't think I'll ever be close to fluent. This is another one of those bad or unfortunate planning things where if I'd known I wouldn't find the thing I want to do for the last 2 years I would have (and did) consider going back to Japanese school full time. I didn't do that because I figured that would put my mind on learning Japanese and not on figuring out my career/life. Now though 2 years since I got my visa and have been officially living in Japan and I didn't make any progress on the life/career thing so that 2 years is just gone.

Maybe there is a lesson in there somewhere that should just do whatever is in front of me and ignore the future?

That brings up an interesting topic (which I probably wrote before) but sometimes I feel like I stepped out of reality. By that I mean it feels like most people or most of the people I know need a job and they generally do whatever job happens to fall in their lap. Their life is mostly driven by the opportunities that present themselves, not by their direct decisions. That certainly describes my life in many ways. Sure I wanted to make video games as a kid but the majority of my jobs came from random luck vs me actively knowing what I want and seeking it out. My impression is that's what happens to the majority of people. But, I got this chance to step out of that and I'm completely failing to take advantage of my chance to change that and actually choose my own path.

Is it all just excuses? I make the excuse I don't have access to $40 million so I can't just make my dream game (just an example). I can make the excuse that I don't have retirement money so therefore I have to choose somethign that will earn me that and therefore there's a host fo things I can't choose. I can make the excuse that I don't even know what I really want to do anymore and therefore have no way to choose.

I think a life coach would just say pick a direction, regardless, and go! Step in and commit to something and just see where it leads. That's probably good imaginary advice.

But, as soon as I try to force a direction I run into perceived roadblocks or maybe rather I run into things I'm unfamilar with and therefore they make me uncomfortable?

For example last summer as I was getting my visa renewed I told myself I was going to rent an office. My thinking was having a place to go to work each day would give me the habit I mentioned above. I looked around but the more I thought about it the more I thought that hanging out at an office all by myself would be even more isolating than sitting at a cafe. I also couldn't really see how to get more people in that office short of hiring them. I could rent a large office and try to make it a collective or a co-working space but didn't have the confidence I'd find people and prices in Tokyo are high so an office big enough to share is probably $50k+ a year in rent?

So, I talked myself out of it. But, that just puts me back at not doing anything and not even knowing what I want to do.

😠 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Japanese Business Contracts


Recently I got my first contract in a long time. Not only was it my first contract in about 25 years but this one was in Japanese.

A friend contacted me and told me a company they worked with wanted some game related work done. I'm not really sure why I went since I don't really want to do contract work but without thinking about it I went over, talked to the company, and basically agreed to do the work. Only after did I think, "Wait, what? Why did I agree to do this?"

Fortunately it's a small project but I had no idea how much work it would be just to get started.

So first I wrote up a small visual design document like I had seen from other Japanese game projects. I wanted it to be clear visually what the project would be, what the scope is, what the game play flow would be etc... By visual I drew simple diagrams showing the various game screens (title, start, game, end), described the controls on each visually. I bring this up because my impression is most western design documents are still mostly paragraphs of text where as Japanese design documents are very visual.

I also details on what I was expecting to provide and what I needed them to provide.

I sent it off and got an "Okay, Look's great".

Maybe because I'm out of practice or maybe because it was a small project but I thought it could be simple at that point, like barely more than a handshake of a deal.

I thought I'd write a small about 1 paragraph letter that said effectively "I'll make the game like I detailed in the design document and you'll pay me $XXXX by this date" with a few more details. Get them to sign it and be done.

I brought this up with a friend and it turned out she did stuff like this for a living. She told me the contract probably needed to be longer but I was like, "let's just go with this simple version for now". She relented and helped me fix my Japanese for the small contract.

But ..... I was actually planned to subcontract a portion of the work to a friend as he's done many more projects that me. He sent me both an invoice and a contract. The invoice made me realize I needed one of those two and his contract was a couple of pages long covering things like cancellation etc.

So, that made me feel like I needed a longer contract but I was freaking out a little since it's a short project with a short deadline and it was feeling like just dealing with the contract itself would take longer than the project.

My experience from 25 years ago was getting a contract, having a lawyer pour over it, having the lawyer make changes, sending it to the other party, going back and forth a couple of times and finally both signing it. Ugh!

My friend who'd written the letter offered to make me a more common contract. Not much in it but it covers cancelling, acts of god, rights (who owns the IP), etc... There was nothing really out of the ordinary so I sent a PDF to the other company and they said "looks good, send us the real deal".

So, then, talking to my friend who wrote the contract this is not a simple as just signing 2 copies of contract, sending them to be signed by the other party and getting one back.


In Japan I needed a "revenue stamp". Apparently these exist in some other parts of the world but not in the USA. The idea that I need some special stamp to make a contract seemed really weird but whatever, you gotta do what you gotta do so I go over to the post office and buy a revenue stamp.

Next up I need to apply my company stamp to the contract. In Japan they don't use signatures. Instead they use stamps. When I registered my Japanese company the lawyer got and registered a stamp for me.

It makes a stamp like this (not my stamp)

I showed her my stamp and was then told I needed a different type of stamp. The stamp I had was a "Company Representative Stamp" but I also needed a "Company Stamp". I'll apply the company stamp to the invoice.

Okay, off the stamp store to have them make me a company stamp. 48hrs later I have a company stamp.

which makes a stamp like this (not my stamp)

So, now I'm preparing to stamp the contract. I put the revenue stamp on the front and I'm told I need to stamp it with my representative stamp half on half off. The point is to make the stamp not reusable / not removable.

I then need to stamp my name with my representative stamp at the end of the contract.

Now I need to know what to do for the 2nd copy. It takes me a while to find out only one company needs the revenue stamp but both copies need my representative stamp at the end.

Then I need to take the invoice and stamp that with the company stamp (the new stamp).

Okay, let's put these in an envelope and send them off ... wait! That's when she tells me I need bookbinding tape. WHAT!? It turns out I need a special kind of white tape that you use to bind the contract. So, it's off to the store to buy some bookbinding tape. It's like an inch and a 1/2 wide white tape. You put it on the edge over the contract and wrap it around to the back so your contract becomes a small book. You then press your representative stamp on it so it can't be removed.

Some guides even tell you you should do the same between every pair of pages. The point is that no pages can be changed since the stamps won't align. By now it's too late in the day to make it to the post office.

So, next day, on the way to the post office, I meet some friends for lunch and have them look over it. They say it all looks good but I also should really send a cover letter. I guess that's kind of common sense although again it's a small informal project and I don't think the other side is going to care. One of my friends at lunch though says she does this all the time so she writes a short cover letter, we print it out at the convenience store and finally, after several days of freaking out I can finally send the contract off.

So there you have it. Yet another new experience learning that even contracts are different by country and/or culture.


"Science Vs." Science


I listen to a few too many podcasts. One of them is Science Vs. It seems right up my alley. I'm a believer of science. I think the show probably mostly preaches to the choir but I still enjoy it. Wendy Zukerman sounds a lot like my sister, fun, likes dumb jokes, puns, fart noises, etc. It sounds like we'd get along great.

There was an episode a few months ago entitled True Love. Their own description:

What is love? With half of first time American marriages ending in divorce by the 20th anniversary, and infidelity being widespread, Science Vs asks: have we been lied to by our love songs?

On today’s episode we explore: What happens to the brain when we fall in love? Is the compulsion to stay together biological? And, is monogamy really unnatural? We talk to Dr. Helen Fisher, Professor Larry Young, and Dr. Dieter Lukas about their labors of love.

I'd probably have to listen to it again but from what I remember much of the show Wendy kept bringing up cheating vs monogamy and it really bugged me because those are not opposites. The opposite of cheating is being honest. The opposite of monogany is polyamory or open relationships or maybe even serial monogamy depending on your definition.

Wendy though seemed to be trying to defend cheating as normal, okay, expected. Maybe it is but then by they definition murder is normal. Murder has always existed so therefore ... we should be okay with it? Cheating has always existed so we should be okay with it?

The issue is cheating = dishonesty and it doesn't seem like we should value dishonesty. If you're in a relationship you have many more options than cheating. You can get out of the relationship for one. You can try to negociate an open relationship (not that I expect success there). My point is your options are not limited to "I want to sleep with someone else therefore I must lie". No, you don't have to lie. It doesn't seem like we should encourage lying.

She also never brought up the argument that monogamy could have evolved to protect children which might be a winning genetic adaptation. Long term raising of children until they're adults means more sharing of knowledge which means offspring can build on parent's experience, something no other animal I'm aware of really does. In other words I'm saying that humans have technology that advances over time, something other animals do not or at least not to the same extent so it's possible we're at genetically dispositioned for family units to share that learing? I'm not saying it is this way and maybe it's been disproven but she never brought it up. She instead just assumed that spreading your genes by having as many partners as possible is the winning strategy and never considered her logic might be wrong in a broader scope.

And that's really my problem with the show.

I'm old (52) and when I started college back in 1983 I was given a book to read. I don't remember the name of the book but it was about writing college papers and it said you should bring up all the counter arguments to your point and discredit each one of them so show why your conclusion is best. I'm paraphrasing, maybe that's not quite how it put it but that's my shortened memory of it.

Well, Wendy never does that. She picks one scientist that shares her P.O.V., presents their opinion/theory and then says "See! Science says X!"

I wrote the show about this episode. Here's my message

Hello Gimlet and Wendy,

I love your shows and especially Science VS

The latest episode, True Love, seemed a little less researched than many though.

First of all cheating is not the opposite of monogamy. Cheating in relationship means doing something behind someone's back without their permission and/or knowledge. You promised to be with only them and then "cheated". You can also break up "I love you but we're no longer a match". You can have an open relationship. It was a little frustrating Wendy kept framing it as cheating being the only alternative.

She also never brought up the argument that monogamy could have evolved to protect children which might be a winning genetic adaptation. Long term raising of children until they're adults means more sharing of knowledge which means offspring can build on parent's experience, something no other animal I'm aware of really does. In other words I'm saying that humans have technology that advances over time, something other animals do not or at least not to the same extent so it's possible we're at genetically dispositioned for family units. I'm not saying it is this way and maybe it's been disproven but she never brought it up. She instead just assumed that spreading your genes by having as many partners as possible is the winning genetic strategy and never considered her logic might be wrong.

Here's a recent article from Scientific American on that topic

Here's another with different reasons

Finally what we do genetically and what we do for society are different. Genetically pretty much all animals commit murder of others of their same species. So is therefore murder something we should sanction? Personally I would say "Cheating" (as in lying to someone or breaking a promise) is something people should avoid in general as it's better for society at large. We do actually have laws against cheating in certain circumstances. We have contracts to prevent cheating in business. We have laws against insider trading, a form of cheating. Laws against lying and fraud. We don't have laws against cheating on relationships but most people would argue that cheating is still a "bad behavior" and one that we try to teach people not to do just like we teach them not to murder and steal. People of all societies have murder, stealing, even slavery has existed forever and still exists today and yet we don't just say "that's human nature, oh well"

That doesn't meant people should be monogamous. Rather it suggests rather than "cheat" they should decide what they want and then behave ethically toward others while that pursuing their wants. That can mean open relationships. It can mean serial monogamy. Whatever, but doesn't have to mean lying and cheating. Cheating is a distinct behavior, separate from having multiple partners serially or in parallel.

Hoping Wendy will do a future show with a little more balance and actual science rather than the "well, all animals and cheat therefore science says cheating is normal". Again, not a very useful conclusion since the same is true of many behaviors we consider not good for society at large.

It was sent in a frame of honestly trying to be constructive. Like the college book suggested if you don't discredit the wrong ideas then you're only leaving me to bring up all the objections. Your program isn't really "Science Vs". It's "Wendy's Opinion Vs.". I want to know why the other ideas are wrong.

Anyway, that would have been it and I wouldn't have given it a second thought, that is until the latest episode.

After the main topic is over there's a conversion between Wendy and a few other podcasters talking about how they deal with comments. I'm probaby being unchartiable here but if I was to summerize what I took away it's that if you disagree with Wendy than you're evil. If you suggest maybe she should be a little more balanced it's coming from a place of misogyny. That you believe because she's a woman she can't do the research herself and can't be trusted.

Now I doubt her comments were about my email specifically but I couldn't help but be massively disappointed in what I percieved to be her attitude. Basically it appears she doesn't think like a scientist. Instead she thinks she's always right and anyone who disagrees is a woman hater. Really? Is that really what she thinks?

I guess I just find this new world really really scary. You can't question anything or your considered an evil right wing fox news watching gamegate racist misogynist. I've written to plenty of other programs. This American Life, Radiolab. They never suggested because I didn't agree or because I felt they didn't present and/or discredit other ideas that therefore I was an evil hateful person. I really want do want to know what counter ideas are wrong or less likely.

Oh well, I guess that format wasn't for me anyway. Unsubscribed.


Remaking this site yet again


So, I a few months ago I moved by blog from Site5 to SiteGround. It wasn't too hard as both are basic LAMP/CPanel ISP. The reason I moved is Site5 didn't support letsencryprt can many sites are started to ban non-HTTPS. For example you can not include a script on JSFiddle unless it's HTTPS. I was using scripts from my site and they stopped working because of that. I waited nearly a year for site5 to add support (they said they were looking into it) but it became clear they were't going to do it.

So I looked around, tried Dreamhost first but they had issues with my needs. I think they required running my DNS or something which was out of the question. I ended up at siteground. It's setup was also a little strange but I got things working moved 4 sites over.

Then, about 10 days ago I wrote an article that got some traffic and all of a sudden I got an email from siteground that I was ay 75% of my service limit and that might site would be shut down if it hit 100%. Why I didn't notice this before but that's when I found out their limit for the plan I signed up for was only 20k hits. I have 2500 posts, many with lots of images. I have no idea if they count every image as a hit but effectively a few scans by seach engines and I'd hit my limit.

Just because I didn't want my site to go offline I paid them to double the limits to 40k hits. That's when I got the message it might take 3 days before they could do it. Seriously, you tell me you might take my site offline and when I pay you not to you tell effectively tell me you might take it offline anyway!?!?!

They did get to it fairly quickly despite the "up to 3 days" message but they did end up taking my site offline because instead of just upping some limit they moved my site to another server and because they aren't doing intellgent routing that changed my IP address and took the site offline.

So, fuck that! Gees! WTF!? How do these shitty ISPs stay in business?

With that and the fact that if I manage to write a popular post they'll yank the site down I decided to bite the bullet and try switching to a static site using something like Jekyll and hosting on a VPS from Digital Ocean. They won't yank it down, they'll just charge for bandwidth. Also their limits are way higher than those typical LAMP sites.

But ... converting this blog was way more work than I thought it was going to be. I've worked on nothing else every day for about 10 days and I think I'm stil not 100% done.

First I tried using some plugin for wordpress that was supposed to export to jekyll but of course it didn't work. In fact it was deleting stuff. I spent time setting up XAMPP and trying to get the site to run there so I could more easily play with the exporter but something wasn't working. I also really wasn't looking forward to working in php. I know XAMPP has worked for me before but why it wasn't working now I have no idea. I even tried downloading their new version that runs in a VM. I got the site over and the database imported but I couldn't get wordpress to come up for some reason.

So, I exported the db to json and starting writing my own exporter from that to jekyll. At some point I realized jekyll wasn't going to work for me because I have 2 blogs that share data, something jekyll doesn't seem to handle. Jekyll was also failing in a bunch of places with things it didn't seem to support like inline html in the middle of some markdown etc...

So, finally I decided to just use the code from webglfundamentals which was already reading markdown.

That's was mostly working but converting 20yrs of posts, writing the rules to try to automate the conversion took quite a while. And of course each time I fix one edge case it breaks some previous edge case. It only has to work once or just get close and I can manually fix the rest but after a week I was about 1/2 way through. I'm pretty sure I missed some pages because I made a big change where I tried to extract all the HTML from the markdown for some post I was having issues with before I realized that would never work when I hit another post that showed why. So I removed that change but I don't remember which post I originally wrote it for.

When I got it all done and fixed the 20 or so posts that looked like they needed manual intervention I then needed to setup a webserver, setup a repo, and write scripts to make it auto update from a git repo.

I ended up using Caddy but like all webservers the first time requires a bunch of time learning how to get them configured with their cryptic config systems. Sometimes I think it would be better if they just gave you a library and a lot of examples but let you just use a normal full programming language instead of a limited and confusing config language. I needed to get some silly redirects working. I also have a few hundred redirects from old URLs since before I moved it to wordpress. And I had to try to get feeds working correctly. I hope they are still working.

I started to wonder if I should just delete this blog. At this point it's more for me than anyone else. Maybe I should use medium or something and just not care about doing my own thing or any kind of backup etc..

I'm not sure how I'll like not having the wordpress interface. It was nice to just be able to login, edit preview, edit preview. As I have this new site setup I can't do that easily at the moment. There is no preview unless I have my laptop and run the build scritps so no posting from an iPhone or iPad, not that I've ever done that. It was simpler to log in then I think it is now.

I can use github to edit or add posts but I have no way to preview. Maybe I should setup a preview site but that's just more work.

I also actually wanted to pay an ISP to keep the server running and up to date but staying on wordpress meant dealing with having to manually update wordpress every month or so which was a PITA.

My hope is that given it's a static site now there really isn't much to update so I'll cross my fingers.

I also lost control of my comments. That probably doesn't matter but originally had my own comment system, then I ported those comments to wordpress. Then when I got too much spam I copied those comments to disqus but disqus magically copies the comments back into your wordpress DB so even if they disappear or get sold and change how they work you still have your comments.

But it seems like that ship has sailed as in I should just look at comments as ephemeral. Or who knows. If it ever comes to that maybe they'll have a way to export the comments. Or more likely I should just let that go.

In any case the site is now static. I'm sure there are issues and there's still a few more things I need to do but ATM it seems to be working.


No, We are not living in a Simulation


I'd heard about the "Maybe we're living in a Simulation" argument before but I had never read the details.

If I understand correctly it's basically a "follow the logic" idea.

Simulations get better all the time and as such eventually there will be universe simulators that can simulate an entire universe. Once you can do that there lots of people will run them therefore at any one time there will be millions X more simulated people than real people QED: Odds are we're simulated

This reminds me of the 1/2 way problem.

Before you can get somewhere you have to get 1/2 way there Once you reach the 1/2 point you have to get to 1/2 the remaining point (in other words, go to step 1) QED: You can never reach your destination because there's always 1/2 remaining

The logic seems to work and yet we get to our destinations all the time. Clearly there's a flaw somewhere. I think the same is true for the "We're living in a simulation" logic.

Here's where I think that flaw is. I think it's impossible to build a universe simulator. Currently it takes more than 1 atom to simulate an atom. It seems like a universe simulator would need to simulate all atoms therefore since you can't simulate all atoms without using more than all atoms you can't make a universe simulator.

Now you may say, like a video game, we don't need to simulate all of it, we only need to simulate the parts people look at. I think that's false for a universe simulator though. Video games don't actually try to simulate the real universe, they're fake, stories, they take huge shortcuts, they use "game" physics, etc. A real universe simulator though can't take those short cuts. Even if it only has to deal with observed portions of the universe those observed portions need to match real physics. That means even if no one is looking at someone part of this simulated universe, the moment they do look at it the simulator would have to compute all the physics for every atom for all of time since that part of universe was last observed until this moment so that it looks like time has passed correctly in that part of the universe. In other words the universal simulator can't take shortcuts like a video game. It has to simulate every atom, at which point we're back to it an impossible task because as pointed out above it would take more atoms to simulate atoms.

And so the flaw is clear. It's the original assumption that a universal simulator could actually exist. It can't.

Does that mean you can't have a holodeck? No, we could have holodecks, but like video games they'll take shortcuts. They won't simulate the entire universe. Take a typical video game that supports foot prints or skid marks or mud tracks, they always fade out over time, usually fairly quickly because keeping around the tracks of the player forever is just too much to compute. The same will be true of holodecks. They'll simulate some small portion of reality but not every detail and plenty of those details will be temporary. That's all great and it will be fun when we get there but it doesn't follow that from that we'll be able to simulate entire universes and all the causality needed to make them consistent which is what we'd need to simulate the universe we're in.

QED: We're not in a simulation


Someone tried to impersonate my Father to scam me on Facebook


This is effed up! Some scammer just tried to impersonate my father.

I got a friend request from "Terry Tavares" with a picture of my dad. I thought to myself "hmm, I didn't unfriend him, maybe he made a new account or maybe he unfriended me by mistake?" So I accepted.


There's a Special Place in Hell for Dentists!


Going to the dentist is often hell for me.

I've already bitched about this before but DAMMIT! It HURTS! It's fucking torture!

I brush and floss EVERY SINGLE DAY. I also use one of these dental pick type brushes after brushing and flossing to get into the cracks etc. Lately I started getting pain like the time a dentist caused me so much pain I needed 600mg of Ibuprofen every 3 hrs for a month). This new pain is similar feeling but not quite as bad. It's comes and goes but generally I get it at least once or twice a day. Yesterday it came 3 times. If I'm lucky it goes away by itself but 5 times out of 6 I need to take 200−400mg of Ibuprofen and then 20−30 minutes later it's gone. When it really hurts I can feel it from my temple to neck.


Japanese Rice Cookers are Noisy


9 years ago (the last time I bought I rice cooker) I got a middle of the road Panasonic rice cooker. It was silent. The one I bought before that was silent. Every rice cooker I've never owned since the 80s was silent. All the ones my friends had when I visited their homes were silent.

So, this time I also just picked a middle of the road Panasonic rice cooker only to find out they are no longer silent.

Apparently nearly all the rice cookers are now IH (Induction Heating) and so they need a fan to circulate the air. Panasonic doesn't even make any non IH rice cookers in 2016.


Getting Phished


I just got phished.

I received a suspicious PDF in email. It had a name that made it sound like something I might personally be interested in from someone I met about a year ago. No idea if that was luck or by design. Even scarier if it was by design.


Yet more AirBnb issues


I know you're wondering why I keep using AirBnb if there are so many issues

It's basically because I'm homeless and I need a place to stay. Other than a hostel the cheapest hotels are $100−$150 a night. Go to and check. Pretty much every city there's 5 tiers of prices. Bottom teir is hostels. Next tier up is $100−$150 a night. That's $3k to $4.5k a month which is a lot of money. Yes, I'm finally working on settling back down and renting an apartment at which point I won't be looking to rent short term apartments. In other words I'll stop using AirBnB. That said wasn't going to bring up this latest issue .. until AirBnB called. See below