I really wasn’t thinking much about Valentine’s day but friends keep asking in email, “How was your Valentine’s Day?” and in replying to them it unforutnately makes me analyse the situation.
No, I didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day. In fact, I’ve only had 3 “good” Valentine’s days in my life to date. By “good” I mean going out with a girlfriend. One was with my first girlfriend in like 1986 in Baltimore. She took me to one of the city’s fanciest restaurants. They had famous steaks and live jazz. They made us wait an hour in the lobby and the steaks weren’t all that but still it ruled to be on a real date with a girl I was in love with on Valentine’s Day.
The other 2 were with my X wife. Once when we first started dating. Again, we were made to wait an hour and I sweated bullets since it was nearly our first date. There was no waiting area so we waited in the car and I kept checking in every 10 minutes. The food ended up being just okay but the date was still awesome. I was head over heels for this women and I had a pretty romantic night setup. The second was the year after that. She took me to a bed and breakfast.
That’s it. That’s the sum-total of my good Valentine’s Day experiences.
It’s even worse here in Japan. In Japan the day that is approached by everyone the same as Valentine’s day is acutally Christmas Eve. That’s the day lovers go out to dinner, by flowers, etc. You can read the lyrics to this song about how December 24th is the loneliest day of the year to be single.
Valentine’s Day on the other hand, in Japan, is the day women give chocolate to guys they are interested in. I received ZERO chocolate for Valentine’s day.
There’s also the idea of giri-choco which would be loosely translated as duty-chocolate though probably better translated as sympathy-chocolate. That’s like when someone that is your friend gives you chocolate on Valentine’s day or even more common, the women on your floor go buy a bag of chocolates and hand each guy in the office one.
Well, this year I did get one giri-choco but even worse than normal it was from someone I’ve never met. The women on the 8th floor of my building bought giri-choco for the guys on the 8th floor. I’m actually on the 6th floor but I have a desk on the 8th floor for a certain project. I rarely spend time there so I’ve never actually met the women on the 8th floor.
Sounds to me like you need to get your butt up to the 8th floor more often.
good advice except there are like 14 guys a 2 women on the 8th floor and those 2 women are taken so going up to the 8th floor really wouldn’t amount to much. Now, that 9th floor, that’s another story
My strategy if I had to risk getting “ZERO chocolate for Valentine’s day” would be to go agressive and do it the other way. Buy flowers and hand them over to every girls. I’m sure that there’s small place for anti-norm behavior even in Japan. Women wants to be surprised. I did it, anyone can do it.
That giri-choco thing, as its name imply, is slighty depressing.
Your blog is very geek-ish but also very honnest in the way you describe human relationships and happenings. I often recognize myself in your way of seeing things. I tend to complain similarly when I’m looking for attention and understanding. I don’t know what are your deep intents, but that’s the pattern I see in this kind of post. It’s not a direct complain about your life, but it’s like a starving call for people to remind you we like you, and to try finding an answer to the question marks of life.
I know you’re not a bad neither a stupid guy. Get out of your limits sometimes (while still being respectul of your surrounding) and you’ll perceive a new world. Next year you’ll be eating too much chocolates and you’ll have to post a column complaining about women harassment.
Right there with ya, Gregg.
I emailed the girl I’ve been crushing over forever (but who treats me like I’m an annoying clown at a bar mitzvah) to basically let her know that I was over her. Felt good. Then, unfortunately, I called my own bluff by going to hang out with my ex girlfriend to have dinner and watch the new episode of 24 on Fox. Sigh…
Oh well, at least this guy made me smile:
http://www.zefrank.com/valentine/
Hi Gregg, I just landed on your website by doing a search on yahoo for the cost of a video game. Thank you very much…I just starting reading some of the helpful information you have listed. I have a website promoting the sport of one-wall Handball called HandballCity.com, it is pretty popular here in New York City. Well one of my projects is a Handball related Comic Book and Video game. I have already started promoting the concepts, and have started to study ”SoftImage” and I hope to get a friend involved who knows C++ programing. I am also looking for funding to help with my projects.
What promt me to add a comment was your Valentine’s Day in Japan. When I got home from work yesterday my girlfriend Yuko who has only been in NYC for a couple of years, and is from Yokohama, Japan…..greated me at the door with a big bag of Chocolates and a smile. After reading your post I asked her….and she told me that it is tradition. LOL
I will be checking your website often, Thanks, Jimmy from the Bronx
If you worked at an eikaiwa you would get a ton of giri-choco and maybe some I’m-hot-for-teacher choco as well. One of the few good things about working at an eikaiwa is getting to meet lot of cute women. Being a computer programmer you don’t get so much daily social interaction, and it’s pretty much a man’s field.
There must be lots of yellow cabs looking for foreign men in Tokyo. If you don’t like that sleezy foreigner scene, then you can always go to Japanese bars since you speak Japanese. Find some nice small, friendly places and make yourslef known. This is a good way to learn Japanese, make freinds who aren’t just interested in you because you are foreign or speak English, and pretty soon it’ll be known that you are single and available.
I got 3!
One from the waitress at a Udon shop I frequent oh too often… always alone after work… They pity me.
One giri chocolate from a work friend.
And one more giri chocolate from a friend.
My girlfriend didn’t give me any, cause she knows I hate those silly holiday tricks. Whoops. I guess that pardons me from White day though…
I worked in a small office 1995-2000 with steady staff so the 2/14 & 3/14 pattern became set pretty easily. The women we’ren’t really big on the giri thing since it was like 3:10 plus they were mature enough to consider the whole thing silly. But I always tried to find something interesting for them to share 3/14 (usu. an import item from Kinokuniya or National Azabu) and they seemed to like it.
As for eikawa. I worked for one 2 1/2 years… first year was learning the ropes, 2nd year was… interesting… last 1/2 year was skullbreaking boredom.
Gotta say I had more fun teaching 25 hrs/week (plus having Tu & We off, working just Sa and Su mornings 10-3) than the 10-8 grind for a game company that I did for 5 years. Different rewards. Meeting young, new people every day was nice. Clocking out for the day erased ALL problems… nothing waited in the office for me to finish. But this day-by-day life does get old after a while.
Hey, I got a card from my nephew (my sister loves buying and giving cards and though it would be cute) how sad is that? Look, yeah it sucks to be single (single since 1997). Don’t let this marketing holiday get to you. Seriously, don’t let anyone (including yourself) make you feel like crap over being single. If you’re ever going to be in a relationship, its going to be on your terms, not those from marketers, companies and those non-single friends.
That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you mentioned being married once. I’m guessing you are the one who was dumped? At least that would probably keep your alimony down…
>I’m guessing you are the one who was dumped?
Wow, that’s kind of harsh, don’t you think?
- anonnanana
No, I was not the one that was “dumped”. I was the one that requested the divorce. I got married relatively quickly and then realized we really didn’t have enough in common to stay friends.
There was no alimony. In California if you are only married around a year and you both agree to it you can get an “annulment” which means that as far as the government is concerned I was never married.
バレンタイン・デー たぶん告白する世界中の若い女性は、次の言葉の事を実践してるはずだ。
“服も男もリサーチは徹底的にしてから手に入れたほうがイイ”
世界中の若い男性諸君よ。男女間のゲームの駆け引きでは、若い女性に勝てないと思え。
以上。
バレンタインデーを女の子が告白する日と考えているのは、日本だけだと思うけど。。。
私はちなみにお花を男の子から買ってもらえる日だと思っている。＾＾！
I have read a LOT of your blogs this afternoon. I can’t even remember what led me to your site. Anyway, I kind of got mini-addicted. I feel like I have an option for you to consider wrt your life quandry. You don’t want to do gaming programming anymore. You’ve become aclimatized to Japanese culture. You feel limited by the language in Japan. You find LA and/or the US a little foreign now and kind of too much. And you mention that you haven’t felt excited by life’s possibilities in too long. Consider moving to Vancouver, Canada. Your Japanese will be a huge advantage there. MANY Japanese people live there. Canada is much lower key than the States. And a move that would remove many of your disadvantages would certainly add excitement and vigour to your life. As far as a job goes, there’s lots of IT there and much business is done with Japan from there. Remember too that if your health is a regular problem, health care is not a problem in Canada.
Love is a path to the heart that knows its own way.