Brutal Honesty

Why do relationships have to be such a puzzle? Why can’t we be honest, say our true feelings and having things work out? Why is it it always works in the movies? Why is it that when we are watching the movies 1/2 the time the only real conflict is the main character won’t say what they are really feeling. We all scream! “TELL HER!!!” or “TELL HIM!!!” and yet in real life that never seems to work unless you already know their response?

8 years ago when I worked at Big Grub in Irvine my partners and I used to go to a Thai restaurant and at this restaurant were two very beautiful women with Asian features. That would not be uncommon, you can go to lots of places in the greater LA area and see beautiful women with Asian features.

But, one of the two women, she was different for me. She wasn’t just beautiful. She gave me the shivers. I could barely contain myself when she was around. I used to tell my buddies that she could never be my girlfriend because I would just sit there in awe gaping not able to think a coherent thought.

Time went by, I never said anything. The best we did was we were having a company Halloween party, we had made flyers and next time we were at the restaurant we gave her and the other waitress an invite/flyer and encouraged them to come. Of course they didn’t show.

A few weeks later the woman that made me crazy quit and I assumed that was the last I would ever see her.

About 6 months later my friend Willis and I are looking for something new to eat and we see there is an Indonesian deli on the other side of Orange County and with nothing better to do on a Sunday we decide to go check it out. We get there and it’s a little deli of a place. A single deli style display and 3 tables. We order and while we are waiting for our food to come up the girl that made me crazy walks in. She recognizes us and it turns out she is Indonesian, going to college and she said we wouldn’t believe her major but she won’t tell us. That’s about the end of our conversation and she’s gone.

I always regretted not telling her just how crazy of an effect she had on me. I didn’t want to tell her hoping something would come of it. I just wanted to tell her that to me she was by far the most beautiful woman I had or would ever see and that I wasn’t just saying it but that I felt it through and through. Almost like she was a visual virus for my brain. I wanted to tell her because how often does something like that happen?

Well, this year, I met another woman with a similar effect on me…

  • え?最後には何を書いたか?今年も違う女から同じ影響を受けたの?何をした?告白した?本当の気持ちを言ってあげた?単刀直入!

    私も日本に来てから、ず~とかっこいい~~と思ってた日本の女性がいたんだけど、結局、あまり会えなくて、歳上だったし、別に、恋人にしたかったわけでもなかったから、しばらくは何も言わなかった。しばらくと言っても~半年ぐらいだね。ず~っと見てた。メール友になった。

    で、5ヶ月間ぐらいが経って、ために遊びに行くような友達になったから、ある日、ご飯を食べながら、その昔思ってたことを全部一気に言ってみた。「私はずっと前からあなたのことはかっこいいかっこいいと思ってたのよ!もっと時間があったら付き合いたいと思ってたけど、結局自信がなくて、あきらめた。」そのことを言ったら、彼女が言ったのは、ハービーがその気持ちを持っていたってことは全然気がつかなかったって。しかも、私がずっと一人であこがれしてたときに、彼女も彼氏がいなかったし~直接言えばよかったのに!!と今でも思う。

    Oops.

    まあ~二度も同じ後悔をしないように気をつけてね、Gregg君:) I will too!

  • どうなんだろう

    また次の話かなぁ。。。。。。;-)

    ハービーの日本語がすごい!羨ましい!!!

  • 写真でも送ってよ:)

    そいうえば!私が二人の楽しい、シングルの、三十代?の日本人の女友達がいるんだけど、私が日本に帰ったら紹介しようか?!?!?

    いいかもよ:)

  • このこと

    紹介してくれるって嬉しい!!!

    このことメールの方いいかもね。

  • Using Japanese as encrypton on a public forum rules.

    うん~メールでやりとりしようね!

  • Fred

    I had a girl in high school that sat in the front row that had that effect on me. I was dazed by her looks – really stunned. I would catch myself just staring at her and have to force myself to look away. I never talked to her that summer (it was summer school, so we never had any classes again).

    Then I saw her years later at a party. I had just enough drink in me to tell her about it. It turned out pretty badly – she kind of gave me a weird look and a “That’s nice” or something. I guess I came off sounding kind of weird, but it was difficult to articulate what I was feeling at the time.

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know that these things don’t always end up like the movies. My situation was embarrassing and awkward, and I’d just as soon kept it to myself.

  • I know what you’re saying

    That’s happened to me a few times and each time I’ve missed my chance… sigh. I guess if they made a movie showing how it really was nobody would watch it. Hmm, you are going to tell us who this new girl is right?

  • There is a movie that explains how it works.

    “THE TAO OF STEVE”

    Look it up.

  • David
    Real Life

    Yea in real life you have to know someone well enough before blurting out some crazy thing if you dont know how theyll react. So in that case the best thing to do is just talk to them and keep it light and see if you can get some kind of rapport going. If so, then you may have a chance! Tao of Steve baby!!!

     

  • FromYokohama
    日本語の添削を少々致します。

    「何も言いなかった。」

    →言わなかった

    または

    言えなかった{could not}

    「もう一緒会わな い」

    →もう一生(?)

     一緒:issyo  

     一生:issyo-u/isshoh

    「Life」

     おそらく、

    「会わない」

    よりも「会えない」

    の方がBetter

     

    「あの女」

    →日本では、礼儀に欠ける呼び方。

     「彼女」 is better/ favorable.

    「私達を気が付いて」

    →私達に気が付いて

    「どんな専門を教えて」→

    どんな専門か(を)教えて

     (を)は省略可能。

    「か」は省略しません。

    「出ってしまった」

    →出て行ってしまった

    「彼女に私にどんなに刺激を受けた言いたくて残念でし た。」

    ×私にどんな

    ○私がどんな

    or

    ×私に刺激を受けた

    ○私が刺激を受けた

    ○私に刺激を与えた

    →受けたか(を)

     (を)は省略可能。

    「か」は省略しない。

    「また同じよう影響がある女を会った」

    女を→女性に

    「女」はnot gentle

    この場合「女性」 is favorable 。

    女性を会う×

    女性に会う○

    同じよう影響

    →同じような影響

     is better

    Greggmanさんの

    日本語は、大変上手ですね。

    頑張ってください。

  • Tadashi

    yup those “miss”‘s are the differences between JLPE level 3 and level 2. I’ve been on level 2.5 for the past 6 years or so…

    I’ve recently found google.co.jp to be an excellent language checker… I just search which grammar point (tatoe… -ni tai -ga) is more common…

  • ごめん

    FromYokohamaに直してくれたところは半分も分かっていたけど、英語よりも、日本語で書くと書き直す気分がほとんどない。書くのが大変だから書いたらも疲れている。怠け者だね!駄目だ!直してくれてありがとう!!!

  • Sometimes, after I write things in Japanese… I’m too lazy to even attempt to read them again… Sometimes I can’t even understand waht I wrote…  I feel your pain.  Slackers unite!

  • Emate

    There’s a difference between the most beautiful woman you’ve seen, and the woman who gives you shivers.

    I’ve had my shares of meeting women who are so beautiful that I was afraid to talk to them, part of it is the fear of rejection, but also partly it’s competition – you don’t want to be the first to acknowledge how attractive you find each other to be.

    But I also met THE girl who gave me shivers. Objectively she is not as beautiful as those prescribed above, but she is the only girl who gave me those feelings.

    When you meet someone like that you don’t hold back, because if you lose the chance with her by playing games or being afraid then there’s a good chance you will never meet someone like that again.

    So I took the initiative, talked to her, got her number, and we’re still in each other lives, 5 years later (though not without incidences and complications).

    I wish I could say it worked out perfectly for me, not yet, I have a lot of decisions to make, but I’m so glad that I overcame that initial fear and hesitation, for that at least I have options before me.

    It works out, some times, perhaps…

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • anon
    Blondes are better

    I hate guys that love asiam women…..

    2 of my boyfriends got stolen by asian women. They suck, with thier subserviant exotic charm! I am a beautiful blonde. I have more charisma in my little finger than they do in the whole of them, and I bet you I am better in bed!!!

  • anon
    uhhh, not a dumb blonde!

    Sorry! In my extreme sarcasm and moment of bitterness, I spelled ‘asian’ wrong….that made me look like an ass.

    I don’t hate anyone, but believe me, the wounds are still smarting and bleeding from the loss of my last boyfriend, who I loved very much and thought I would marry. The stealing whore was Indonesian. I hate her! I hope the next woman you see that makes you shiver returns the feelings.

    ~Bitter and blonde, but not dumb!

  • don’t blame the wrong person

    I doubt this will make you feel any better and please don’t get upset at me but only person that you should be mad at is your x-boyfriend.  It was his job to ignore the other woman and respect your relationship.  It was not the other woman’s job to respect your relationship.

    But screw that, the fact that he left you only means he really wasn’t all that in the first place.  I may be hard to see in the middle of your pain but it is probably closer to the truth.

  • heyirememberthatfeeling

    there was only one person that gave me shivers in my life. when he touched my hand i felt little shocks go up my arm, i wanted to pull away, yet knew i had to leave it there to feel it. he looked at me and asked if i felt it too. i couldnt believe he felt the same thing. our relationship was one of the best and worst ive ever had. it was lightning when it was good and when it was bad.

    it lasted four years and although he was hard to get out of my life, im very happy that he is. the good never out weighed the bad.

    i think you did the right thing not saying anything. although a rose wouldve killed ya! lol  just teasing. good luck with new “shock wave”