Adult Story #3

I’m not sure this is really an “adult” story and the names have been changed even though anyone who this story might affect already knows this story

Once upon a time, I think in February 2003 I was living in Tokyo.

I had made a few friends that would meet a 2 or 3 times a week for dinner here and there. One of these friends was Bill and he lived about 45 minutes outside of Tokyo or at least from the parts we used to hang out in.

One of the issues in Tokyo and public transportation is that the trains stop around 1am. That means if you want to get back to your home and it’s far you need to catch the last train that makes it back to your station. For Bill that was around 11:30pm where as for me and the other friends, we could stay out until 12:15 or later.

Bill was married to a Japanese women but they had recently got divorced about 2 months earlier. One night we were out and Bill brought his co-worker and friend, Mineko. Bill missed his last train so he was stuck in the city until 5am when the trains start up again. We all decided to stay out and keep him company. I don’t know why or what it was but she was like a drug for me. It was love at first sight. I don’t just mean her looks either. She spoke pretty much fluent English and she was super nice, friendly and extremely easy to talk to.

The only catch was she smoked and if you’ve read enough of my posting you can probably guess I’m the type of guy that will pass on someone if they have a major issue I can’t deal with. So, I thought about her but decided since she smokes I’d forget about it.

A week or so later we are all out again and my chemical reaction to Mineko is in full force. I really dig this woman and for the first time in my life was I ready to drop the no-smoking requirement. I tell Bill how I really like his friend Mineko.

Another problem I have and the reason I’ve been single most of my life is I don’t pursue women. Instead I just befriend them and if there is mutual attraction I believe things will work out. So, I hoped to spend more time with her, not alone, at least at first but just as part of the group.

Mineko lives downtown and so one night around early April we are out, Bill is getting ready to catch his last train but he doesn’t want to leave so he asks Mineko if he can crash at her place. He does this a few times and one day he tells me, “Mineko and I made out. She’s not my type but it was kind of nice”. The next time they go all the way.

Obviously I’m dying at this point. I haven’t gotten any real chance to get closer to Mineko and here Bill is sleeping with her when he’s not even interested. Arrrggghhh!

Around June Bill tells me they have stopped sleeping together and I should pursue her if I want. I’m happy for that but I continue with my typical way of proceeding. I just hope to spend time with her in our group and try to get some spark going.

That entire summer our larger group of 8-20 people hang out quite often. We have happy hour nights. We go to movies together. We go to restaurants together. I keep hoping I can sit next to Mineko at these events but her and Bill always manage to sit together. When we question him on it he says they are just best friends.

It’s easy to believe because all summer Bill is trying to find a girlfriend. He brings them to some of our events, a new one every 2 or 3 weeks. Mineko is even helping him by talking to the girls and getting impressions.

The only place I have any real success is that Mineko and I chat online quite often. As we have gotten closer in chat many of the topics have turned sexual in nature. Not sex chat but just topics about sex. For example Mineko and I both enjoy watching Sex in the City so we chat about it and the topics in brings up. Of course I take this as a good sign.

Around early October I eventually asked her “out” to Design Festa in mid November. It’s not really a date, just something casual but I felt like I had finally taken another step. It would be the first time with just me and her.

Early November the group decides to go dancing although for some reason I go home after dinner instead of staying for the club. Probably because I was not comfortable clubbing. Later that night or the next morning my friend chats with me. Something happened at the party and Mineko blew up. A few minutes later Mineko starts chatting with me and wants to talk to me about what happened.

What happened was that her and Bill had never stopped sleeping together, they’d continued all summer long. Then, at the club Bill met a woman and started making out there at the club. Bill and Mineko had had sex the previous night and Mineko felt like Bill was being disrespectful.

She still claimed he wasn’t her type and he claimed she wasn’t his type. She still believed their understanding that they were both looking for someone new but she also wanted to feel like they were more than fuck buddies. Somewhere I guess more like lovers without the commitment but who still respected each other until they found someone.

Well, being a total AFC, of course I told her how I felt, obviously the worst possible time to tell her (not that it would have mattered when I told her) but basically I was destroyed. It wasn’t just being rejected, it was that every little thing that happened all summer, every little hope I had, every chat I had with her was a lie. I thought she was talking to me as a single woman, not someone who effectively has a boyfriend. Also, all the times Bill had lied to me about “just being friends” or “she’s like my sister”

I practically felt suicidal. I guess I didn’t feel like killing myself but for the next few days I felt like someone and physically knocked the wind out of me. I had to basically call every friend I had and talk through it to get by.

Mineko said she was not going to talk to or see Bill anymore. I had confessed my feelings and I obviously hoped for the best though I didn’t have high hopes. I even made a totally AFC little booklet all about my feelings for her and gave it to her. She told me she was not interested in me as anything more than friends. That sucked but at least getting it out there let me move on or so I thought.

Mineko and I became better friends for a while with her trying to help me met someone. I also went through somewhat of a transformation. Before that I was rather nerdy. Not that I’m not still nerdy but my typical style was like jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers. I didn’t have any style. I had also only been to a club like 3-4 times in my life. So, after about a week of sulking I decided to do something. I grew my first facial hair, I bought some better clothing and I started clubbing. I figured I really needed to get out and meet people and get better at this. I decided to go to techno clubs because dancing so aggressively was also a way to forgot about her or at least forget about my feelings.

She decided to go to New York for 3 weeks in December with a friend. They went but at some point they got in an argument. Bill is from the New York area and was home for Christmas so Mineko called him and they ended up re-starting their relationship although this time they were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

I was really happy for them but it still felt like yet another kick.

One of the most frustrating things was just how strongly I felt for her. I felt like I had finally understood the saying “I’ll never love someone again like I loved you” or similar phrases. That’s certainly been the case since then. I met several women over the years that followed and some I liked enough to want to be more then friends but none of them approached how I felt about Mineko.

We stayed friends and with her actually in an “official” public relationship it was relatively easy to turn my feelings off. I say relatively though because on some occasions if I ever got to spend more than say 20 minutes with her alone all those feelings would rush back. Like I said, it’s almost a chemical reaction for me it feels so strong.

You’d think the story would end there but so far there is one other piece.

3 years later I chose to leave Japan. Mineko (and I’m sure Bill helped) organized a giant going way party for me in January 2007. It was amazing. Mineko also surprised me by showing up at the airport to see me off. I told her she was the only person that could have gotten me to stay.

I moved to San Francisco and in March the Game Developers Conference was held here. Myself, Bill and Mineko are all in the game industry so they were coming for a week. I didn’t really think much of it except I was glad to see them. Bill I guess has lived in SF so he didn’t want the tour but Mineko had not and I showed her and 2 other friends around the first day they were here.

Mineko was slightly flirty. I blew it off because our group tends to say strange sexual joke come-ons to each other. A couple examples, she bought me a “Sex Bomb” from Lush. (Bath Soap) and also when I showed them my apartment she jumped in my bed and said “hey, I’m the first girl in your bed!”

I really didn’t think anything of it since as far as I knew she was still with Bill. Sadly her birthday was that week and I really wanted to go but I came down with a cold.

They all return to Japan but a few days later a mutual friend lets it slip that Bill and Mineko broke up. Later I learn that supposedly they broke up in December, BEFORE I LEFT JAPAN but didn’t tell anyone until now.

I suppose on the one had that’s no big deal but still, I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me again. That information changed my perception of the last 3 months. The flirting the week before, organizing my going away party… Another thing Mineko did was say she had promised herself she would get a hug from me every time she saw me between the time I announced I was leaving until I left.

Well, that’s that. I now live 7000 miles away and I guess I should take it as a clear signal that since nothing did happen she’s still not interested. At the same time, I still find I think about her way too much. I wouldn’t say I obsess because it’s not like it’s a daily thing. It just that things remind me of her. Stupid things, maybe it’s a song about really wanting someone and before I know it I’ll be thinking of her again. Even stupider, I know we wouldn’t have ever been a good match. But what can you do? Like I mentioned above, it’s a chemical thing. It’s like she was a virus for my brain.

I want to try to look at the bright side. It was an incredible experience to feel that strongly for someone and in many ways I’m a better person because of it. I certainly hope it happens again though with someone that wants me as well this time.

  • Tragic story, but yet you managed to keep yourself from being tragic.

    There’ll be a next time. Ganbare 😉

  • Life Choice

    I had quite a similar story, in which I became the middle person, sort of.

    I happened to know and quite close to this girl who likes to complain and talk about her boyfriend, how rude he etc, etc. They fight a lot, she “hates” him, etc. But then in the background no matter how troublesome their relationship sounds like, they are still together, and seemed that SHE likes to be the VICTIME, she enjoys this hurting and it is just one kind of relationship.

    Be very careful with this type of women. But my point is, at that kind of situation, she might only takes you as a friend.

    Two options:

    1) Kill Bill, chase Minako.
    2) Forget them, it is a past story, you will find a better woman for sure.

    Now, with no-smoking policy…. I think in the end you will actually get the one that smokes, it’s like a karma thing.

    – Jim

  • yuko

    Setsunai! So Mineko happened soon after the Korean girl? You have all these great ‘Adult Stories’ – keep us posted about your love life in SF (that’s where you are right now, right?). When’s the next story? DO SHARE when you fall in love again.

  • MrGay
    Be Gay!

    Be Gay! F*ck all the guys you can! It’s yours! Take it! Live the moment in San Francisco! Mineko can never pleasure you like a guy can!

  • maiku
    You did it right

    That’s rough, but I say you did everything right. You told her how you felt. No matter how awkward it may have seemed, at least you told her. From that moment on the ball was in her court. If she decided to play some weird secret break-up game, or flirt in a way that left things uncertain, that’s purely her deal. But in the end you played by your own rules, took a chance, and told her. That’s very cool.

  • lu2

    Hard to say, though given everything you’ve said, it seems like she just wanted to be friends through the end. Otherwise, she might have mentioned that she and Bill were no longer together.

    Aimai da ne~

    I’ve found that many relationships in Japan seem to be like that. There was a friend of mine who seemed on the level, always organizing events for everyone and never flirting with any of the girls. We used to joke that he must have a secret finance somewhere. Later, we found out that he did, in Korea. This was in addition to the couple of girlfriends that he had in Japan. At least one of these girls were in the group we hung out with, but he had instructed her not to act anything more than a friend, since it would not be “fair” to everyone else. When we found out? When he was approaching another friend of ours for a date.

    Different, but just as confusing in terms of timeline. It’s like having a magnet under the table, changing all the forces of attraction, and no one knows who is actually together.

  • Nosmoky
    No smoky

    Here are my tips to change your life:

    1) Stay with your gut instinct. You had a problem at first with the smoking. You should have disregarded her right then and moved on.

    2) Don’t waste time with anyone that doesn’t make you the center of their attention.

    That’s it, try it out for a while. You’ll be happier from now on.

  • None
    Oy Vey

    Stop playing head games with yourself already!


    Turn off the logic when not programming. It’s only getting in the way.

  • PirateBen

    Really empathise with you on this one Gregg. It was a difficult situation but I can’t help but feel you’re too forgiving of your friend Bill; I guess that’s because he is your mate and you seem to be an easy-going type of person; but it seems to me from this account that Bill wasn’t acting as a friend to you especially.

    PS – Not sure if you remember but we met at the most recent GDC, after Margaret Robertson’s talk on the Friday morning. I’m the guy, unsurprisingly considering the name, with a pirate patch ;). Was nice to meet you in person.

  • TheLostTraveler
    Jellyfish Club Ex member

    I feel for you brother.  A few times in my life this has happened to me.  Now I hope I have learned my lesson.  If you have strong feelings toward someone you should be brave and say something before time flies by.  Most people are attracted to confidence.  I know, easier said than done.

    Not sure what your feelings are on this lady now since you posted this story back in April.  More than likely you still have strong feelings about her.  Nothing wrong with that just don’t let it consume you.  Better to deal with it emotionally and mentally and move on.

    Sorry for the “Come to Jesus” meeting.  God knows I need to go to that same meeting…

  • juniya79
    daijobu dayo

    hey man, i feel for you because i went through somewhat of the same thing, with a japanese girl too! Like someone else said here, I also noticed that there are a lot of those types of relationships (based on my observations & travels to japan over the years) in japan..As for your homie Bill, I don’t think he was much of a friend. He should’ve been upfront with you about him and Mineko from the beginning. Life goes on and you now live in a city with just as many beautiful women!


  • sanus
    Lost and found

    I was besotted with someone 3 years ago but it did not work. For a long time after that I tried to date but I always compared the womenI dated with ‘her’. I recently met someone who is wonderful and seems perfect for me. I had questioned myself many times whether she was the right one and what I’d do if the one I lost came back. But I learnt to cherish what I had. 

    Stay true to yourself and you will be blessed with someone to love just as I was. When one door closes another DOES open.

  • Stop playing head games with yourself already!

    Tonny Wall.